Yesterday morning, when Joseph and I tripped over each other at the sink after breakfast, he noticed how I tensed up. He laughed and said, “I bet you’ll be glad when I’m back to leaving the house at 4:30.” He’s right. I have my own wake-up routine in the morning. He does too – he usually gets to work two hours before his first client so he can ease his way into the day.
Neither of us is doing our own thing right now. We know it’s temporary….but how long is temporary? You’re probably wondering that too.
During these days of covid-19 confinement, everyone’s patience is wearing thin. “I just can’t look at him another day” and “she’s driving me crazy” are just two comments I’ve heard from friends lately. Lost wages, lack of freedom and constant contact with spouses and children is making you and I stressed, depressed, and aggravated.
Take a deep breath. We’ll get through this!!!
In the meantime, and while you’re breathing deeply, remember to make your relationship with your sweetie a priority. Not sure what that means? Webster’s say that means “something given or meriting attention before competing alternatives.”
Yes, the kids, the bills, food, and the mortgage are also priorities. But for some reason – and maybe because those important things are constantly knocking on the door – we take our most important relationship for granted. Reports are that depression and loneliness are on the rise. Sadly, so is domestic abuse.
However, this bad time is going to be over. Soon enough you’ll be able to run to the food store anytime. You’ll catch up on the mortgage and get the bills paid eventually. The kids will go back to school someday. You’ll socialize and travel freely again. Those habitual things have a way of falling back into place.
It’s not so easy with marriage. There’s no real “falling back into place” mechanism for relationships. If you want your marriage to survive and thrive, you MUST make it a priority. It has to come before the kids, the bills, and everything else. Marriage is like those gardens many people are planting in the backyard: it won’t grow unless you water and feed it. If you don’t, just as the garden will do if it doesn’t get attention, all that will be left will be weeds.
This period of confinement may have put a spotlight on some problem you have – maybe one you didn’t even know was a problem. Now you do. Don’t ignore it. But now isn’t the time for focusing on it. Instead, make a plan to talk about the problem issue when things are more normal. In the meantime, take some mitigating actions. I listed a few ways to do that here: Relationship Reset Each suggestion is one small way to make your marriage your marriage #1 in your life. Start today.
Need some help getting your marriage back in first place? This book will show you how to make it happen – available in paperback and Kindle: The Five-Year Marriage ®
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